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after years of killing myself over and over again, just to come back; i have come home, to a state of mind that looks like a set of blinds just begging you to see what's on the other side, do i still seem foolish, well good; i am...

i don't really know what to start all the time and I'm not concerned where to finish, my heart doesn't race against guilt... i don't feel incomplete even though others have their complaints about my speed or "lack" of progress...

as opposed to my normal yearly synopsis on new years, i'm gonna toss it up now, not that I'm asking permission from you, but i do enjoy explaining myself, i really do, more so then most people are willing to hear most of the time, but i'm not doing it for you...


  so, lets see...

 so much has happened, but then again, it's been mainly a revolution of my own mind; the realization that i have to make peace with myself, or i'll always be waging war on my psyche has been a long time coming, and recently my brain got knocked over, spilt out the contents, and almost left me for dead; it let out all the skeletons and invited my friends over to shake hands with all my dirty little parts...

i suppose it was all the acid, but then again; i've been harboring guilt for things that i dreamt i did, vocalizing them like some sociopathic town cryer; as for the remorse i've had for the terrible things i really did, it's a work in progress to retrace my steps and assure the affected parties that my sincerest apologies are theirs to have and i don't need an answer as to wether or not they forgive me, i don't chase forgiveness like some prize to be won and hoarded; i say sorry for my own heart...


my head was always in the clouds, and my heart was a lead balloon, with free rides for every tom, dick and jane; the only stipulation being is that you have to deal with my behavior, which was more driven by greed , envy and fear than all the i love yous, have a nice days, and i hope your okays i wrestled away from people with clever little schemes and forked tounge kisses; i made myself into a two way mirror that showed people what they wanted to see and at the same time kept me safe from their invasive questioning, hungry eyes and for the most part, loving hearts...

this is the time, to break away and bring together...

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